Querido Familia Mio :)
Oh my family - How is everyone??? I love you all :) This week started out really rough. I had a hard time getting through Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Those were some of thee hardest days out here; well, some of thee hardest days of my life really. The mission has taught me so many things. I am learning to be a man out here. But more importantly, I am learning to be a man of God.
My health is improving. My back is all pretty much healed :) What a miracle right? My feet are doing well. Those shoes are better, or my feet are just getting used to them, but they still aren't comfortable, ahh but I won't complain. I have nice shoes :)
My journal is going well Mom. I am about three fourths done with my first one. I have a second one in my suitcase. So I won't need another one for quite some time, so don't worry about that :) I am trying to be better and write more details in them. Thank you to everyone for the emails last week. I wish I could write you all back Brooklyn, Dad, Mom, Breanne, Chris, Ryan, Alisha, Brian, and Cam ;) Love you, Cam. Thank you for your experiences Ryan and Bri. I love you guys :) Everything you send has a positive impact on me. Thank you so much for all of your support and guidance while I am out here.
The hard days this week were so difficult. It was so hard to go through them. I had thoughts from Satan, literally. It was so difficult. I also had the same thing happen last week and the week before when I asked if you guys had been praying for me more. Like Mom said, she had had an impression to do just that - that week when I was having a bien dificil time. It was hard. But remember, the only way we can grow is from the hard testing times :) That is the reason we are here right??? We are here to be tested - to be tested according to our faith and diligence. Tests are great and hard. I was tested in a little bit different way this week.... This week I was tested in the way of, that I am not good enough, and am not measuring up to anything. I had many thoughts come to mind, such as: Why am I here in Panama and not in the Philipines like my Dad, brother, and sister? Why can't I be valiant like them? Will I ever measure up to my father or brother? Am I doing everything right? Why haven't I had a baptism? I am not doing anything out here. I am wasting my parents and my money. I can't do anything here to help the work move forward. Very hard thoughts to think, right? Let me tell you now, that the only way I made it through these things, was through prayer. Prayer helped me through. Often, when we are going through the hard times, and we don't feel like praying or we don't feel worthy to pray, is when we need to pray the most. Prayer has become my go to. My prayers have been long, short, extensive, corto and everything in between. Our Father in Heaven loves us. He has provided a way of peace. That is through prayer. Sometimes we may be crowded with evil around us, but we can always turn our hearts to God. I hope that I am making sense right now. Sometimes I think that I just ramble on and on. But I love you guys; everyone, our family, everyone in our ward. Without your support, I don't know how I would be doing right now.
The language is taking leaps and bounds. I can read the Book of Mormon in Spanish and pretty much understand all of it except for some words that I need to memorize, such as verbs and other things. I am still struggling a lot, but it is improving tremendously. The Lord is behind it. He is showing forth His mighty power through me.
The work is going a little slow... Many people don't come to church, even members. We pass by people's houses every Sunday for church, but nobody ever comes with us. It literally aches my heart when they either decline or just aren't there. It is a commandment to partake of the Sacrament, to remember our Savior, our mediator, our best friend, and the greatest act of love that has ever taken place in the history of this earth. Every fecha we set, the people are never there, and it is so hard to get ahold of them. They either have a number that won't let us reach them, or they are never at their houses. The members sometimes miss multiple Sundays, so we have to visit them too. It is so sad. I feel like we have to strenghten our core first or inwards first, then we will be able to strengthen and clean out the outward exterior. I believe that was President Hinckley in 'Stand A Little Taller'. I think that I need to strengthen everyone I can here. Many times here, the phrase 'LIFT WHERE YOU STAND' has come into my mind. It has filled me with enthusiasm and all that I need. I can do the little things, have a smile on my face, share messages and bring the Spirit into the lives of the people.
I said to the missionaries in the MTC one time when I was bearing my testimony to them, that If I knew before my mission that I would never have a baptism, I would still come out here. Now I am being tested to it :) I know that if I work my hardest then the baptisms will come. I need to have faith that the Lord is preparing people to hear the message he has for them :) Sometimes it is so difficult. I see missionaries who are disobedient and who aren't the best examples having baptism after baptism, and yet when I try hard to be obedient, I don't have any. What does this remind you of? Ya, it reminded me of the talk that I have studied many times out here: Patience, by President Uchtdorf. He saw men that smoked and broke the Word of Wisdom run faster than him and he asked himself, shouldn't he be the one to run and not be weary, and many other things. He questioned if the law was really true. What he said is that we need to have the patience. I guess I am just worried more about what man thinks than what God thinks. But I will keep trying to be the best missionary I can be out here. I know God lives. I have a testimony of Him. Even though I have doubts and struggles, oh how merciful He is to me. Thank you all for your prayers. I literally feel them help me all of the time. Although I may pass through sorrow, hard times, and many headaches, I know that God is on my side as long as I obey Him :) I love you all. Have a wonderful week.
Elder Bitter
No comments:
Post a Comment